| Thursday, April 26, 2007 |
| A Tribute to my late Uncle .. |
I didn't know from where i'd start .. but i've decided to start with the latest in my life.
I Had an Uncle - and saying had really hurts - who's been diagnosed with Lymphoma ( A Tumour ) a year and half ago and through innumerable sessions of chemo and radiation, i got to watch him die every day before my eyes which was a feeling i can't even describe.
His condition has markedly deteriorated over the past three months and he was admitted to the hospital all that time and that was when i knew that death was coming .
I don't fear death and totally accept the fact that people do die .. and that was the problem.
I had faith issues at the time - and still have to a much lesser extent - so i think that was the cause i've become greatly insensitive and not caring about my to-be-dead uncle .. I simply didn't care.
It Kills me to say it now as when it happened and he passed away i couldn't stop my tears until he was buried .. I really cared but just didn't know it.
I had a friend at that time whom i wished would have told me anything , but he simply didn't give me any comment .. Did he beleive i was that insensitive or did he also just didn't care ?
Looking back at it now, I didn't cry for the loss of my uncle .. I cried for the loss of the days i've wasted being insensitive .. the days i'm never getting back .. the days where i have awaited his death i now regret .. the days where i was far away ... If Only remorse could help me.
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posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 9:18 AM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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I know what you mean, God, I know exaclty what you mean
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"Talking about being Invisible ?
I really hope you don't do what i've done"
I'm sorry Sherif,unfortunately, you are one year,3 months, and 19 days too late. Perhaps you are even a little bit later than that. I've gone through almost the same thing, and did almost the same way. Come to think of it, I think it's a coping strategy, a defense mechanism that maybe Freud failed to mention: detachment. We detach ourselves and try to convince ourselves that we are at peace with one concept or the other and that we are absolutely insensitive to anything that can happen just so we could prepare ourselves for the worst. And then when it happens, we discover that we would have rather spent all that time moping and being sensitive and depressed and miserable than just being what we essentially are: human. The discovery is shattering, and the remorse and regret haunt you like the most vicious and evil ghosts. I know it hurts now. But it will get better eventually, and yet it will never go away. What I'm just hoping for is that we don't do the same thing the next time around.
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~di$turbed~ ...
I hope that we get over this feeling soon.
Cadence ...
Thanks for saying it will get better and i really hope i don't do the same thing next time but i'm only human.
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Name: Sherif _ الهراوي
Home: ام الدنيا
About Me: لطالما سرت و سرت .. لا أصطدم بشى سوى أكتاف آخرين
.. يسيرون في اتجاه غير اتجاهي
.. حتى وجدتك
.. لم أر وجهك قط
.. لكن يكفيني أن لكلينا ذات الإتجاه
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I know what you mean, God, I know exaclty what you mean