| Saturday, June 9, 2007 |
| Aplogies .. |
I wanted to do this for some time now and i think the time has come .. i am ready to apologize to some of the people that i've deliberately hurt over the past years of my life .. I know not all of them would be reading this but it's what i can do at the time being ..
To these ..
AA
AG
AM
AO
AS
DS
ME
MS
NE
RN
RS
SH
TO
YW
I say i'm SORRY with a bleeding heart and endless remorse
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posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 9:08 PM  |
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| Friday, May 11, 2007 |
| Tears !! |
Just a quick note ..
I never cried over someone before except for one about 6 or 7 years ago. It was the first and last time i cry over a friend that i've lost.
why do i get the feeling i need to cry over the self i've lost these days ?
How does it feel to cry over yourself ? .. I wish i could bring those tears down and tell you .. But i Just can't !
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| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 12:04 PM |
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| Wednesday, May 9, 2007 |
| Alienated .. |
Most of the times it was my choice to have a break from friends and family and thought that was healthy and would give me a chance to renew whatever it is we have, but what i haven't seen coming is the fact that people don't get it and i get blamed for wanting to overcome boredom, not only that i get to lose friends instead of bonding more.
It's sort of a stupid concept but who said i'm smart !!
Apparently being alienated is mostly my choice in the first place, so what bothers me so much is the question i asked myself and figured out i get lonely sometimes and need my friends to be there for me whenever their friend needs them. And the real friends should get that stupid concept and deal with it.
But i've always been the big ear or the nice talkative one in outings and stuff: a fun-buddy more than a friend and the moment i get crappy moods, i'm out of whatever the thing is.
It's pretty humiliating owning up to such stuff, but it's true. I've always been just a fun-buddy who gets alienated and searches for other people hoping they'd be his friends, yet the cycle continues.
Guess i'm doomed to searching.. |
| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 6:46 PM |
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| Saturday, May 5, 2007 |
| Secrets ... |
Whoever said information is power is stupid .. It's a curse that haunts its bearer forever ..
A friend once told me that i bring out the worst in people. As if before my self-loathing being they dish it out and say what must not be mentioned of their darkest thoughts, feelings and secrets. At the time i took it as compliment because it was kinda of a hobby to analyze people and help them through their lives and knowing their secrets have helped a lot. Nowadays i think it was more of an insult and i totally agree with her. Bringing out the worst is never a good thing.
But you reach a point - where i am - where you're done and don't want to know any more secrets or the vault would burst with the secrets you've been collecting over the time. But wishing is never enough , the information just keeps pouring over your head and holding an umbrella is never a method of protection. Radical solution as drying the clouds seems to be perfect but people's mouths are never shut and their hearts are never pure.
We all have our dark secrets, the other side of our lives that no one normally sees. this part is very important, it what makes us who we are and it's never meant to be revealed by any means.
People might wonder ,then what the hell am i writing here ?? .. If you think these are my darkest, guess again .. |
| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 12:28 PM |
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| Monday, April 30, 2007 |
| A Coward !! |
Once Upon A Time, i had a writing career being a member of the editorial staff of one of the most popular English magazines in Cairo.
At that time, my writings were abundant and creativity was on fire but i never thought i was a good writer back then .. more of a coward.
I'm more into playing God and building up characters. Writing stories is what i do best and love most, but I never had the guts to write about lust, sexual issues or even a kiss as i was afraid of the readers' reaction.
My first published particle was censored by my supervisors because of a kiss i put between the main two characters. It was a romantic thing for Valentine's issue and the kiss had to come, but i resigned for the sake of being a published writer.
All that time i was trying to convince myself and the others that i don't care about people's opinion in what i write while the truth is that i care about nothing but their opinions and thoughts and i put in consideration their belief and traditions which affected my writings and cornered my creativity.
Now i feel more of a grown up who can discuss taboos in a more open freely way. I REALLY don't care about people's opinion. I can't make the whole world satisfied.
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| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 7:55 AM |
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| Saturday, April 28, 2007 |
| The Pill |
Anti-depressant pills are often prescribed to patients diagnosed with depression such as prozac. They say it decreases suicidal tendencies but what if the patient just stopped taking the pill ?
I've always thought that when i reach the point where i have no self esteem, motivation, or whatever drive in life, it would be the end of this life, unfortunately this never happened.
I've never had suicidal thoughts or attempts, i just transitioned from the life of no value to the non-existence which is way worse than suicide. When you lose motivation in your life or career it's like you stopped taking the pill that helps you move on and hence the question is what would make you start taking it back ?? .. Would a friend help you ? Or would you discover somewhere inside you a hidden power that will drive you forwards ?
I had a friend once whom i noticed on his forearm suicidal marks with pink crustations which meant they were new.. I asked him and he confirmed and asked me not to tell and i didn't tell and didn't help him the way i should have. Maybe if i had helped him then , i would have found help now. But, that's not how it is. He moved on and became a successful man and that incident is just mere history that we laugh about...
I don't know if that's the case with me
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| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 11:30 PM |
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| Thursday, April 26, 2007 |
| A Tribute to my late Uncle .. |
I didn't know from where i'd start .. but i've decided to start with the latest in my life.
I Had an Uncle - and saying had really hurts - who's been diagnosed with Lymphoma ( A Tumour ) a year and half ago and through innumerable sessions of chemo and radiation, i got to watch him die every day before my eyes which was a feeling i can't even describe.
His condition has markedly deteriorated over the past three months and he was admitted to the hospital all that time and that was when i knew that death was coming .
I don't fear death and totally accept the fact that people do die .. and that was the problem.
I had faith issues at the time - and still have to a much lesser extent - so i think that was the cause i've become greatly insensitive and not caring about my to-be-dead uncle .. I simply didn't care.
It Kills me to say it now as when it happened and he passed away i couldn't stop my tears until he was buried .. I really cared but just didn't know it.
I had a friend at that time whom i wished would have told me anything , but he simply didn't give me any comment .. Did he beleive i was that insensitive or did he also just didn't care ?
Looking back at it now, I didn't cry for the loss of my uncle .. I cried for the loss of the days i've wasted being insensitive .. the days i'm never getting back .. the days where i have awaited his death i now regret .. the days where i was far away ... If Only remorse could help me.
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| posted by Sherif _ الهراوي @ 9:18 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: Sherif _ الهراوي
Home: ام الدنيا
About Me: لطالما سرت و سرت .. لا أصطدم بشى سوى أكتاف آخرين
.. يسيرون في اتجاه غير اتجاهي
.. حتى وجدتك
.. لم أر وجهك قط
.. لكن يكفيني أن لكلينا ذات الإتجاه
See my complete profile
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